Oh I want to...!

"Be content with what you have, rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you."
~ Lao Tzu

Oh I want to..................

Opposites...

I'm drawn to opposites... To both smooth, and to curly. To both sleek, and to softness. In hair styles. In clothing. Slightly so, in decorating. But with home decoration, complete sleekness leaves me cold. But too, too, too much "fru-fru" and "things" around, leave me cold also.

I love the look of sleek and timeless hairstyles and dress. But I think I feel better, in softer/curlier hairstyles... And a touch of lace.

It's about time I made up my mind. It's getting kind of late in life, to still be searching for a personal style. ,-)

I think... I'll take the curling iron to my hair, again today... ^_^

What if...?

What if there had been no special baby born in a cave under the stars? What if all we had had to celebrate the past few thousand years were millions and millions of babies born under the stars -- small humans, growing into wise humans, with no special being to mediate between us and the heavens, no special being given the task of uniquely loving, laughing, bleeding, dying, rising? What if there were just us, the lovely earth, the watching
stars? What if.......?

What if all the love and tenderness for earth and each other had to come from us alone, witnessed only by the stars? What if the gods themselves have decreed that we alone hold responsibility for the wonder and fragile beauty of this planet? Could we not then do a better job of all this? -- with no one to fall back upon but ourselves? I'm not suggesting that there are no deities or Watchers out there, only that perhaps we have too long depended upon rescue from "out there" instead of focusing upon the innate wisdom and compassion long ago seeded within us.

In this season of Light's birth from the all encompassing, holy, pulsing Darkness, perhaps we could remember that what's really being born, hopefully, is our own ability to mature and navigate gracefully through both Darkness and Light, for the dance between these seeming opposites profoundly enriches the deeper wisdom lying too long unclaimed within us.......

Source

Time, at Holiday Time

Are our Holidays supposed to be, like the old fashioned photo, at the left? Wouldn't it be nice if they could be? But, that's pie-in-the-sky dreaming. No one's Holiday Time is as quietly lovely as that. Oh well....

But unless we want ours to be a 'horror,' we have to grab the reins. Presents have to gotten and wrapped, no matter how I wish for less of them. Less is not going to happen, this year. Get over it. Get the present 'thing' done and out of the way and grab my own peace, that way.

But.... And there's always a 'but.' If one adds activities, one has to subtract some others. We don't get more than the usual 24 hours, just because we want/need to do more stuff. S0000 - what has to 'give'?

With me, it's my Net Life. Cutting back on it some, that is. I already spend too much time on the Net, 24/7. Yes it's fun. But yes, it can get less so, at times too. No question, at this time of year... Something has to cut back and that something is my Net Life Time. -sigh- This is always bitter-sweet for me. Yes, more freedom feels good. Especially when there are necessary things to fill the free time. But I'm always torn, when triaging Net Time.

So ~ I'm always that way. Live with it! :-) But learn to do it gracefully or not, I have to do it.

Photo Credits

Carp Diem!!!

Carp diem!!!

Yesterday I went to the wake of a 41 year old wife, mother and daughter of a friend of mine. And had been to the wake of this friend's sister, only a few weeks ago. But her sister was in my H.S. class and had lived life. Whereas this woman was so very young. This wake, was much harder. So much harder.

I am sorry for her husband, daughter and all her extended family. But I feel the most for her mother. Such nice people. So many heartaches. More than just these two... And yet she goes on. My heart just aches for her.

What I take from all deaths, is the desire to live my life fully. And what I take from this kind of pain to a nice family, is... there is no one "up there," watching over us. Or giving us rules. Or having a happy or a painful place waiting for us after death, depending on how we follow "the rules." Perhaps a Creator 'banged the big bang.' But if so, our huge Universe was then forgotten. And left to evolve on its own, in whatever way happened.

And we tiny little beings, who evolved on this one tiny speck of a planet, in the huge Universe, we are of no interest to this Creator. {If there was one.} And there are many reasons to see glitches in the work of such a Creator, even though everything is quite amazing, at first glance.

Anyway, for me and people like me, this belief is actually more easy to live with, than all the so-called-comfort, derived by people of faith. I don't have to see myself as "fallen." Or see the Earth as just a short stop, while waiting to die and go to some paradise. I can see the Earth as it is. Full of wonder, but not perfect. And that's just the way it is! No need for reasons for this or for that. No supposed "revealed rules" to follow. I'm able to use my own mind to figure out how to live my life.

If people need/receive true comfort from their religious beliefs, then good for them. I do not ask them to stop, so doing. What I do ask... Is that they do not preach their views to me. That they live their life. And let me live mine.

Late Rose...

It can be hard to not feel like this rose... In November... In later years...

One could say that this rose is still beautiful, in its own way. Having lost much of its former rose-beauty. But still having color and the fortitude to hang on. Both ~ good traits, at any age.

But ~ Show me any rose, which doesn't remember the beauty of the bloom. Show me any rose, which can fully release from a bit of longing, for those days. Even in the glory of full, lush Summer, the memory of Spring lingers. And so, it's all the harder to deal with heavy frost. Knowing that snow comes next. Knowing that no new Springtime will come... One circle. Each rose gets only one circle to complete. And all roses have to come to grips with this fact, eventually.

A rose will at times, pride itself on being content in every season. Focusing on the beauty of the season of "the now." Not longing for the season past. Or worrying about the season to come.

But, sometimes, it gets harder...

And when things are harder, is when we have to work harder. It's easy to slide by, in easy times. Not much effort needed. But if we can still smile, in the harder times... When lots of effort is needed... Perhaps more joy can be taken, in those times of work. The good attitude we maintain, is bought at a higher price. And the old saying is ~ Nothing worthwhile comes easily. :-)

Sounds good, anyway...

So keep smiling. Keep looking for the positive, even in the early frosts of Winter. After all, the alternative is unthinkable. :-)

49 Years!!!

49 years, Baby!!!

November 8, 1958

November 8, 2007

^_^

I write. But do you understand?

Sometimes I wonder how we ever make ourselves clear. When I write an impression/feeling of mine, I am the one who owns the impression/feeling. I understand it. But for you to understand it, depends on my choice of words. I have to convey what's inside me, by the written word. A big job! When we think of it...

The combination of words can sound marvelously expressive to me. But maybe they aren't clear to you. I don't know how you would combine words, to tell me of your impression. So how can I know how I should combine words, to let you see/feel mine?

But why do I say this? Words are words. They have a meaning, stated in the dictionary. Do they? When I even say a color..... Red for instance.... How do I know that 'my Red' is 'your Red'? I don't.

When we're talking face to face, we can stop the other person and say.... "Let me make sure I'm getting this right..." If we happen to feel confused, that is. But what if we simply take in, our own impression? Again, how do I know that I got across to you, my feeling/impression? I don't. And with the written word, there's no ability to stop and clarify.

I'm not going to keep up this line of thought. If I did, would I ever write another word?

If I never wrote another word, would I be able to stand it?

,-)

Possessions...

With all the news of the terrible fires in California... I've been struck with thoughts of.... all those possessions we have in our homes. Or our apartments. Or where ever we live. We feel so secure, when we enter our abode. Or we hope to. If we don't, we plan so that we may one day feel safe, secure, happy, relaxed, peaceful.... 'at home' in our abode.

Naturally, we grow attached to it. And to all the objects we keep in it. Of course the people and pets are more important than the 'things.' We know this, intellectually. And everyone says; "It's only things" when any of our possessions is lost or damaged. It's only a thing. And we know it, intellectually.

But...

Imagine losing everything, contained in our abode. Walking away and coming back and not finding anything there. It's a terrifying thought, isn't it? It's almost too terrifying. And yet, all of it, is just things. How do we reconcile the terror.... with the "It's-just-things"... ?

Would we lose our memories, if we lost all the family photos and family films and trophies and saved momentoes? Would our memories no longer be there, if not for some tangible piece of paper or file on a computer hard drive? No. But yet, we shrink from thinking of having all the tangible sentimental stuff, gone.

Is this hard wired in humans? Is it too much to expect that we can ever fully rid ourselves of our love of our 'things'? Is that asking too much? Yes, we can try to pare down the total amount of 'things' we really need. But can we ever hope to get the number, to 0? Is that just too much to even contemplate?

Of course there are no swift answers to such questions. Of course not. And each person's answer would be unique to him/her. And to their time of life. And to many changeable things. But..... How do these thoughts strike you, right now? How does it make you feel to contemplate the loss of everything?

Then again, we all will face that day..... Sure as night follows day and spring follows winter. We all will lose all our stuff, someday. Without being in any way spiritual or religious... I wonder if now and then, we all could do with some contemplating, the loss of every thing? Maybe so the 'big one,' doesn't come as such a shock... ,-)

So far.....

I made changes in the template here. And so far, no "chips have fallen." {No problems with commenting here, have been told to me.} Previously, in my 'smilnsigh' blog, when I changed my header, template, colors, etc...... some people who used to be able to comment there, couldn't any more. :-( What a mess!

I ran around trying to find out the 'why' of this. And finally, gave up. And of course, when I gave up, some of the commenting issues seemed to evaporate.

But, I still don't have any firm answer as to why they happened. Nor can all comment there still... Some used to come to my other 3 blogs, and make their 'Smilnsigh' blog comments. But that was probably a chore. I'm sure some simply stopped reading. Which is logical.

So all in all, that is why I was worried about changing the 'look' of this blog.

But I really had the urge to make this one, very different looking from my others. And so, I did it! And I like it, for a change. A very different 'look' for me, but different can be fun. :-) But then, I haven't make any more entries here. :-( So how would I know, if many can't comment? Plus, I don't think many of the readers of 'smilnsigh,' come over here. I know, having 4 blogs can be overwhelming. And so, probably silly of me to do it. But..... I had a different view of what each of my blogs, were 'for.'

The original 'Smilnsigh' blog was for gentle pictures, talk, recipes, bits of this and that... Then came 'Seasons Snapshots' for just what it says.... Pics taken, through the different seasons of the year. And then, came Photos-City-Mine which was made to chronicle places around my city. I love my city and I love that we have learned to preserve and cherish our buildings' Victorian heritage. Before too many were lost to decay and the wrecking ball. -sigh- Not all were kept. We did lose some beauties. Such a sorrow! But around 30 years ago, we came to our senses and began to realize that we had unique things here!

Our city was in need of all the help it could get, at that time. Some of we locals set to trying to encourage work to fix up and preserve our downtown. And to encourage all building owners to try to preserve. And to renew a sense of 'pride of place.' It took much work and dedication, but it worked. And for years now, our city has been a magnet for people. For a vacation, and all the way down to just a day out. Strolling our Victorian downtown... Shopping in so many unique shops... Enjoying our numerous eating places... Etc. Because, along with the preserved beauty, it is a safe downtown to walk in. And to have conventions in. Safe is a big draw! And we love it, for this reason too.

I can't close this, without saying that we've always been famous for our mineral springs and for the oldest continuously running race track in the country. The race track's Victorian ambiance has {so far} been preserved, even while being modernized in many ways. Our springs still flow, too. Etc. But for many locals... it's the whole package. The package of preservation. Preservation for us. And for our children. And for our children's children. We hope.....

And then came this blog... for a bit more musing, than I do in my others. And that had better be enough blogs! ,-)))

Time to try changes...

Yes, time to try changes... And let the chips fall where they may. ^_^

Changes...

Do I dare make any changes to the 'look' of this blog? Trouble abounds when I made changes in my main blog.... What would happen, if I did some here?

But does it really matter if I do? Not many read here, as far as I know. There are very few comments and comments are the only way I can tell if anyone stopped by. Maybe there is some sort of hit-counter for seeing who simply clicks in here. But I've never mastered anything like a hit-counter. So... comments remain my only clue.

So.. will I get brave and try for some changes?

Not today. It's now high time I hung up my keyboard for a while. And go to some Real Life things. Expecially since it's damp and rainy and it really feels like going back to bed. ,-) Which I really can't do today. So, I'll continue to just cogitate on what kind of changes I might want to make here.... If I decide to go through with it...

And who cares...???

Headline...

And who cares?

Not I.

Though born and raised and living for 63 years, believing this stuff...

And living in fear of it.

I don't any more.

And I don't allow anyone or any entity, to dictate to me.

Do you?

Decor...

I love to see how people decorate their homes! Love to see it in magazines, books, on tv, film sets, on the Net, etc., etc., etc. Love it! I don't always resonate with every style, but it's still so much fun to look.

Recently, I've noticed some French on-line-journaling sites and something struck me. I've been seeing monochromatic decor, in their homes. Now, whether this is an all-over trend... Or it's just happening in the ones I happen to have read or run across, I don't know. But I've noticed a lot of pale Gray tones.

I'm more used to seeing the decor of homes in my own country, in most of what I see daily. And it has lots of color and lots of 'things' around. Colorful pictures on the walls and wreaths and collections of this and that and... Well, lots of 'stuff' and action of color. Very different in the French on-line- journaling sites... And it got me wondering... How come?

I wonder if the monochromatic look, is there for the peacefulness it brings? Maybe all of life outside, is viewed as rushing, loud, chaotic, etc. And the peaceful opposite, is viewed as being surrounded by soft mono colors inside the home? Maybe?

But life out in the world all over, can be very loud, chaotic, restless, etc. Including in my country. How come we still tend to have lots of color and 'things about,' in our homes? If the color choice is one which resonates with the inhabitants, does this impart as much home peace and restfulness, as the monochromatic look imparts to others?

Why does our decorating often {but not always} include many, many collections? While the French look seems to be a choice of very small collections, placed in particular places? Not lots and lots and lots, I mean? How come that, too?

Now I know that on the scale of things to ponder, these are very "small pickin's" of pondering topics. ,-) But I did ponder them. And what's the use of having an on-line-journaling site with the name of 'In the Mind of a Grandmother,' if I can't write about "small pickin's" of pondering
too?!? ,-)

Mellow fruitfulness...

Vibrancy...









Color...








Fun...






How can one not feel good/better/perkier, on a beautiful Autumn day?!? Sunshine, bright Fall flowers, pumpkins by the acre, seasonal door wreaths, kids playing in the pumpkin patch, bees buzzing among the flowers, an occasional butterfly floating by...

Don't know if it would work for everyone, but it surely did, for me. And not a moment too soon. ,-) But then, I always love Autumn.

"Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness..."

Since entering the Autumn of my life, and finding more freedom of thought then, I've really loved Autumn even more. I see it as a lovely way to view myself, at this time. Don't tell me that it's an exaggeration! ,-) In my mind, I can exaggerate as much as I want to! ,-) I can view myself as walking through mists. And as encompassing the mellow fruitfulness of having lived long and experienced much. Especially since I've given myself the right to experience even more! Things which were just an interest, a faint dream, a fantasy, to be read about... I've make my own experience. If not now, when? has become my motto.

No, not all my seeking out experiences has been totally win-win. But that's part of living life fully, too. Not everything that "looks neat" from the outside, is "totally neat" from the inside. We get. We give. We gain. We lose.

But at least, in the trying/experiencing, we live!

Yet again, my views. I'm not saying that all should agree. So... Your comments????

Please ask...

.
The President of Iran will speak at Columbia University, in New York City.
.
Would some liberal [and free, btw] Columbia University student, please ask him; "Would President Bush be invited/allowed to speak at an Iranian University?"
.
Hehhhh...

How to.........?

How to be free to laugh, knowing others cry? How to learn that it's OK, to live a comfortable life, knowing others can not? How to drop the feeling that one should not totally enjoy such a life, because there are others, less fortunate? How to drop the feeling that empathy demands, that we cut some of our own parcel of joy?

Many would answer.... help the less fortunate. Work to alleviate their suffering. Support one's favorite cause. Yes, and no. Yes, we can do these things. But how/when do we really lose that nagging feeling that we ourselves, shouldn't really be contented? How/when do we totally convince ourselves, that it's OK to fully enjoy a contented life?
If we're lucky enough, that fate has rolled such dice, our way?


When do I fully allow myself to sing, when many can not?



This is a recurring question, in my mind. I know I've not stated it as best can be. My mind isn't clever enough to say it first or to say it best. But I just seem to have to keep saying it. Or asking it, rather... It's a work in progress, I suppose.

Wick ~ consumed by fire

There are times, when I become a wick in the center of a burning flame. A wick, being consumed by fire. These times pass. Good thing. I'd not be able to sustain myself continuously, in this state.

How do some, do that, I wonder? Stay in the state of being on fire. For a cause or a purpose or whatever. If it's a purpose I deem good, more power to them. If it's a purpose I deem evil, no power to them.

Life in a ring of fire, takes a toll.

I'm glad I can still be so consumed, at times. I don't desire the state, to be a constant though.

What can set you on fire?

Today....

Today is not easy. This whole week, and next week, are not easy. But I'm determined to not get drawn into anger, or 'going ballistic', or any of many of my usual actions... When 9/11 rolls round again.

I hope to be vigilant. I hope to not take for granted any of the freedoms I enjoy today. Not take for granted any of the joys which come my way today. Remember to be grateful to all who protect and insure my way of life, today.

And remember to SMILE!

Because to become preoccupied with worry, anger, 'going ballistic' and etc. ~~ is to let them win. And I refuse to 'give an inch' to those who would destroy Civilization!

Please..... Come join me! :-))))

When are we ever, free to be me???

When are we ever free, to be me? When are we ever free to be the person, we fully are? Did you spend yesterday, totally being yourself? You never changed what you wanted to say, to accommodate someone's feelings? Or to fit in, with those around you? Or to "Keep The Peace"? Or... a million other reasons. Can you even remember a day when you did not change something about yourself, for one reason or another? When we stop and think about it, we do a lot of changing of ourselves... Well, of how we are perceived by others.

There's the rub. We only allow certain people to perceive us, as we feel they want to perceive us. For whatever reason, our relationship with them, is more important to us, than our relationship with ourselves. And this brings us to the sometimes nasty sounding matter of different personas.

Persona...(in the psychology of C. G. Jung) the mask or façade presented to satisfy the demands of the situation or the environment and not representing the inner personality of the individual; the public personality (contrasted with anima)

Hmmm, does that sound sort of nasty? For a long time, what that word {'persona'} brought to my mind was 'Sybil'. Or 'Three Faces of Eve'. Multiple Personality Disorder. And I shied away from its use. Even though I could see 'persona' as not having to mean Multiple Personality Disorder. But I bowed to society and kept my version of it, to myself.

My version of it? What all of us do everyday. We hide part of who we are, for some reason or other. And we have no concern about so doing. Probably, because we don't stop to notice. Lots of people probably pride themselves on always being just who they are. Or at least, always attempting to be the 'perfect person' they feel they are called to be.

They'd be upset if someone said that lots of people have different sides to who they are. That they hide certain sides, from certain people. Show certain sides, to certain people. And easily keep everything straight. Even when there is no person, to/with whom, they can simply and totally be themselves. And this is fine with them. :-)

But once in a while, the strain begins to show.... It's gets so 'old' to keep putting one 'persona' out here, and another 'persona' out there. On and on and on... Tiring. It gets tiring. And some of the facade cracks. A bit... Here and there...

Sometimes when this happens, there is panic. And wild scrambling to fix the crack and not let it grow or linger. And sometimes, the panic seems silly. Is it really worth all the effort? What if some don't like some aspects of one's self? Is this the end of the world? Does it make that much difference, in the big scheme of things? Will it matter a twit, in 10 years? Or in 1 year? Or tomorrow even?

And sometimes, the answer is "No, it will not." :-)
And those moments are gloriously freeing.
There has always been a high, from throwing caution to the winds.
Get some old juices flowing, again.
Puts some much needed excitement back, into our usually dull existence.

>,-)