Exapanding... Contracting... Expanding again...

The greenery is getting so thick, around the edge of the back yard, that it's almost closing in. I had it trimmed back, for a while. But sun and rain and Nature conspire to make everything grow and grow and grow. {Naturally}

So now, it's feeling like I'm in the 'Forest Primeval,' almost.

Well, not quite. Even with all the vines and small trees growing at our perimiter... And with the towering trees in neighborhood around us... We still have view of the sky, of course. But not such a view down the street and into other yards and etc. Or into windows down the street. It does feel almost like I'm cut off, by natural growing things. Time to get the young man who takes care of too much growing stuff, for us.

And I was thinking that this is almost a measure of {or picture of} my feelings at times. On one hand, feeling expansive and out-going to the world. Communication galore. Etc. And then, the feeling of contracting into my own little personal world. Of family and home and self and reading and contemplation. Which is the real place for me? Which is the real condition, for me?

Or...... does my needed condition actually change, as it seems to change? Is it simply 'my way', to feel expansive at times. And to feel close to home base at times, as well? Are both these conditions so-called- *proper* for me, but at different times? Should I simply accept that my needs change? Even over a short period of time?

Sure, our needs and wants change, over years. But maybe, it's fine if they change, over shorter periods of time... Maybe we expand and contract and expand again, in our soul almost...?

Maybe...?

Modertation...

Very sorry, but I have had to install comment moderation, for a while....

"I want's".... Even now

Contemplation.........

One would think that later years, would bring less of the "I want's." No, not necessarily. But the nature of our "I want's," may change.

The younger may desire material things... A house, car, lifestyle, etc., which better take care of their needs-in-the-then-present. Newer furniture... Newly painted walls... Help around the house... More personal disposable income for fun/frivolous things... Etc. Etc. Etc. Each one {of the younger}, has their own personal list of "I want's."

The older may desire less material things... Sure it's desirable to have reasonable health and a reasonably content life style. On the health issue, there's no need for me to be able to run marathons or have the body of a 30 year old. Nor is it necessary for me to have *umpteen* $$. Enough for reasonable comfort, in both areas, would take care of my now "I want's," along this line.

It's a different sort of "I want's," with which I have been dealing, for some years. Experiences. Experiences one never had. I've nebulously wanted certain experiences, over time. But there was always another day, to get up the courage to make sure I had them. Another hour, day, year, decade. But for a while now, time hasn't stretched out in front of me, in the same way. Time has a way of condensing into a more finite entity, with the years. It gets to where, it has to be now or never.

I have worked on many of my long held "I want's." And therefore, I have memories. The trouble comes with letting go and letting experiences slip completely into the realm of memory. The trouble comes with wanting to keep doing... when the time has come to cease.

As in all of life, we don't get all we want. Life wasn't meant to be a series of continuously chalked-up "I got's." And some of those experiences we did grab, fade easily into the realm of past events. But... some don't. Some "I want" experiences just don't *want to wave good bye,* to be relegated to living on, only in memory. Therein lies my 'Subject Line.' Some of my "I want's"... Even now. I continue to want them, in my life. But... I need to close the book on certain experiences, and relegate them totally to the 'land of memories.'

And it isn't easy....

-sigh-

And therein lie some of my present "I want's." Those not in the realm of 'now or never'. But rather, in the realm of 'letting go'....

So, maybe this means, we never lose all our "I want's." Their nature, just keeps shifting. But having them, seems to be part of being human, too. And dealing with them, part of our human work. A work, from which we can never wake up some morning and say; "I retire.... Give me 'the gold watch.' " :-)

And I happen to like it this way! I've always said that I never want to get to the point of being purrrrrrrrrfect. Or to the point of having 'done it all.' To me, that signifies 'the end.' And I also feel that it's not human, to desire 'the end.' Unless present pain is worse than it. And no one contemplates arriving at that point. We block that possible point, right out of our minds, in order to keep putting one foot in front of the other and going on.

Ahhhhh... all the things left, to contemplate! Even beginning my 8th decade! -smile-

Another of life's questions....

Along the path of life, we bump into many people. Some relationships come, with being born into a particular family. Some come from growing up in a neighborhood. Some from going to school, work, interests, activities, all the various things life exposes us to.

Some relationships blossom, grow and thrive. Some blossom quickly and then fade, just as quickly. And all forms and time spans, in-between.

What happens when we begin to feel that one relationship has lived its life course? But the other person, doesn't know this? -sigh- How to gently let it fade away?

At times, we may know this ~~ that the life course has been lived and should be fading away. But we don't have the courage to act on what we know. At times we even know that it would be best for us, if we acted on what we know. And we still have a hard time, doing it. Hurting someone's feelings is never an easy thing to do. No matter how much, that is not our intention, to hurt them. -sigh-

How to gently let it fade away................

Dichotomy....

Soooooo, what to write here, "In The Mind Of A Grandmother"?

How about the dichotomy of my music likes? I love classical music and am particularly fond {at the moment} of Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata.

I also resonate to this by Darryl Worley.

No, I don't play the piano. Nor have I ever been in the military.

But I can love the sound of Moonlight Sonata.

And I can be constantly grateful to all those who have been and are and will be, in our military. And to those who wait for them, at home.

Young, in those days!

Title of this painting... Smeralda Bandinelli, Grandmother of the Sculptor Baccio Bandinelli, circa 1471

Wow! They had young looking Grandmothers, in those days!

But of course. No one lived very long and they started having children early.

Wonder how many people ever even saw gray or white hair?!?

A work in progress....

This is a work in progress... In many ways.