Contemplation.........One would think that later years, would bring less of the "I want's." No, not necessarily. But the nature of our "I want's," may change.
The younger may desire material things... A house, car, lifestyle, etc., which better take care of their needs-in-the-then-present. Newer furniture... Newly painted walls... Help around the house... More personal disposable income for fun/frivolous things... Etc. Etc. Etc. Each one {of the younger}, has their own personal list of "I want's."
The older may desire less material things... Sure it's desirable to have reasonable health and a reasonably content life style. On the health issue, there's no need for me to be able to run marathons or have the body of a 30 year old. Nor is it necessary for me to have *umpteen* $$. Enough for reasonable comfort, in both areas, would take care of my now "I want's," along this line.
It's a different sort of "I want's," with which I have been dealing, for some years. Experiences. Experiences one never had. I've nebulously wanted certain experiences, over time. But there was always another day, to get up the courage to make sure I had them. Another hour, day, year, decade. But for a while now, time hasn't stretched out in front of me, in the same way. Time has a way of condensing into a more finite entity, with the years. It gets to where, it has to be now or never.
I have worked on many of my long held "I want's." And therefore, I have memories. The trouble comes with letting go and letting experiences slip completely into the realm of memory. The trouble comes with wanting to keep doing... when the time has come to cease.
As in all of life, we don't get all we want. Life wasn't meant to be a series of continuously chalked-up "I got's." And some of those experiences we did grab, fade easily into the realm of past events. But... some don't. Some "I want" experiences just don't *want to wave good bye,* to be relegated to living on, only in memory. Therein lies my 'Subject Line.' Some of my "I want's"... Even now. I continue to want them, in my life. But... I need to close the book on certain experiences, and relegate them totally to the 'land of memories.'
And it isn't easy....
-sigh-
And therein lie some of my present "I want's." Those not in the realm of 'now or never'. But rather, in the realm of 'letting go'....
So, maybe this means, we never lose all our "I want's." Their nature, just keeps shifting. But having them, seems to be part of being human, too. And dealing with them, part of our human work. A work, from which we can never wake up some morning and say; "I retire.... Give me 'the gold watch.' " :-)
And I happen to like it this way! I've always said that I never want to get to the point of being purrrrrrrrrfect. Or to the point of having 'done it all.' To me, that signifies 'the end.' And I also feel that it's not human, to desire 'the end.' Unless present pain is worse than it. And no one contemplates arriving at that point. We block that possible point, right out of our minds, in order to keep putting one foot in front of the other and going on.
Ahhhhh... all the things left, to contemplate! Even beginning my 8th decade! -smile-
